WWE Hall of Famer and two-time US “President” Donald Trump, reportedly “heartbroken” by his beloved wrestler John Cena’s latest turn, signed an executive order this morning requiring Cena to return as a babyface.
Sources say a single orange tear rolled down Trump’s face the night Cena viciously attacked Cody Rhodes a few weeks ago, selling his soul to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for reasons unclear.
A White House insider said Trump was so angry at Cena’s heel turn that he threatened to nuke Cena’s hometown of West Newbury, Massachusetts, but instead agreed to burn a pile of his once-beloved Cena merchandise (but not his replica belt, which remains an Oval Office fixture).
During a press briefing on the White House lawn, Trump told reporters that Cena’s heel turn was “very bad and very sad for this country” and said WWE would face “huge tariffs” if it was canceled within three weeks. Trump then jumped into a waiting Cybertruck driven by Linda McMahon, which they then deliberately crashed through the front window of the US Department of Education.
Hey wrestling fan — dress funnier! Check out our product.
