Despite being billed as this weekend’s “live” extravaganza, WWE’s much-hyped WrestleMania 41 was actually pre-taped this past Tuesday and Wednesday, and we’ve got the exclusive leaked results.
The two-day event was taped in front of a green screen on a Burbank soundstage, and the audience will be digitally augmented before the program airs on Netflix this weekend.
WrestleMania has become downright expensive to actually produce in front of a live audience, largely due to the fallout from a trade war started by WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump.
Kayfabe News watched the entire event and gave it 8.5 stars (out of 11). We certainly weren’t expecting surprises from John Moxley, Mr. T, Whoopi Goldberg and a talking cartoon dog named Vince.
If you avoid spoilers, READ NO FURTHER.
Here’s what happened at the 41st Annual Immortals Show:
WWE Women’s Championship. Tiffany Stratton (c) vs. Charlotte FlairThe woman currently performing the character “Charlotte Flair” (who only vaguely resembles Ashley Flair, the original performer of the character) performs a moonsault that nearly connects with Stratton and wins. But nobody really wins.
United States Championship. LA Knight (c) vs. Jacob Fatu:. Break away from the event to tune in to a nine-song mash-up by Flo Rida and up-and-coming Las Vegas rapper Nev Ada.
Rey Mysterio vs. Great AmericaEl Grande Americano steals a sneak victory thanks to outside interference from her cousin Venti the Colombian.
Jade Cargill vs. NaomiAfter an absolute bloodbath, amid a backdrop of knuckledusters, light pipes, barbed wire, and exploding pyrrhanas, Naomi wins with a figure four leg lock. Fans are amused but confused.
World heavyweight championship. Gunther (c) vs. Jey UsoGunter crushes Jay from post to post early on, seemingly destined for an easy win. But the tables are turned with the shock arrival of the previously unknown Uso Trio, Todd Uso, who distracts Gunter enough to allow Jey to pick up another victory.
Women’s World Championship (triple threat). IYO SKY (c) vs. Bianca Bellaire vs. Rhea Ripley. After a match full of high flying and intense drama, the match is called a no-contest after all three women are hopelessly tangled in Beller’s tail.
Intercontinental Championship (fatal 4-way)Braun Breaker (c) vs. Finn Balor vs. Penta vs. Dominic Mysterio. To the surprise of many, Dominic Mysterio immediately dominates his three opponents with a dazzling display of both technical skill and heartless brutality. Mysterio wins after just 81 seconds. Balor, Penta and Breaker are all transported to a local medical facility where they are still clinging to life.
AJ Styles vs. Logan Paul. Despite being consistently fought off by AJ Styles, Logan Paul picks up a sneaky victory after AJ is beaten senseless by a crowd of human-sized PRIME bottles.
Damian Priest vs. Drew McIntyre. The game was canceled after the men decided to settle their differences through open, respectful dialogue and compassionate listening.
WWE Undisputed Championship. Cody Rhodes (c) vs. John CenaCena takes his heel persona to an unprecedented level by simply no-showing WrestleMania without explanation, so Rhodes wins by default. Flo Rida performs two more songs to fill the time.
A triple threat matchup. Roman Reigns vs. CM Punk vs. Seth Rollins10 minute timed draw.
SOMETIMES GIVE UP — HAND UP YOURS!:
