One thing former pro athletes wish kids knew about the mental side of sports

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This week, I asked five former professional athletes who now coach youth sports one question: What is one thing you wish kids knew about the mental side of sports?

I thought I would get different answers. Instead, I heard one word over and over again: failure.

Here’s what five pro-young-coaches had to say.

Travis Snyder is a former MLB outfielder

As much as we can fall in love with being a great teammate, we can also fall in love with the things that make us play, that’s an important part that we sometimes lose track of.

As a kid, if your motivation in sports was to have a good time with your friends, well, then let’s make it more complicated. There are many great life lessons to be learned if we don’t tie who we are to our success or failure on the field or court.

We all remember what it was like to be in middle school and high school and how much of who you are is defined by what you are good at. In the end, the person you are, the way you treat people, the type of teammate you are is more important to me.

how are you feeling That’s a really dumb question we forgot to ask. And can I separate my feelings from the child’s point of view?

Do I feel ashamed? Do I feel ashamed? Do I feel sad? What is the feeling or emotion? And it often boils down to fear.

I will give you an example.

A kid on my son’s baseball team refused to swing a bat at the plate. He was getting angry. I tried giving him a couple of different external signals, but nothing seemed to stick.

And finally I gently pulled him aside and said, “Hey, bud, how are you feeling when you step up to the plate?” I told him.

And he said, “I feel like my hands are going to betray me.”

This was a 10 or 11 year old boy. That was the thought, and then we can identify the emotion that is fear.

“The next time you feel like your arms are about to fail you, what do you think you can do?” I asked him.

He said, “Take a deep breath.”

For the rest of the season, he wasn’t bothered if the gang was taking interceptions and hitting.

What thoughts are coming up this time? And below that, what is the feeling or emotion behind it? And how do we encourage that child to say that and find their own solution?

Jay Jackson, former MLB pitcher

Be positive and smile. Even if you’re pretending.

If you lie long enough, you will begin to reap the benefits and feel more positive. I tell kids, “When you get out there, smile, be happy. There’s no reason why you can’t smile until it’s your job.”

I’ve been under a lot of pressure, and I’ve played worse when I’ve been stressed and worried about the negatives.

If they are having fun and enjoying it, they will be willing to put in the work and develop it. And then the bad times won’t affect you as much.

Charlie Davis, former MLS and USMNT player

I always use this as an example.

If I see that the kids aren’t paying as much attention as they need to or not giving 100 percent, I’ll stop practice and say, “Guys, who wants to be a professional soccer player here?” i say.

Most of the time, everyone’s hand goes up.

So I say: “Do you think I would be happy if I were a professional following you right now?”

Then I say, “If no, we have to change that, right? So let’s change it now.”

Attitude and effort, that’s talent neutral. If you can throw mental toughness, this is an unstoppable kid. That’s the kid everyone wants to be around. It’s a child who has a quiet confidence about them because they know they’ll be ready for whatever comes their way. They don’t hang their heads if the decision goes their way or doesn’t go their way.

To me, this is magic.

Jeff Francoeur, former MLB outfielder

I’m not talking about winning. I’m talking about competition.

“If you make a mistake at shortstop, I’m not taking you out of the ballgame, you’re playing. So try to relax and do your best.”

I will give this example. I went 2-for-26 in my second season in the big leagues in 2006. I was called into Atlanta manager Bobby Cox’s office, and it was like, oh shit.

Bobby says, “Frances, you’re going to play every day for me this year, you’re going to hit the fifth or the sixth and you’re going to play right field. So you who are worried, scared, scared, quit and just play. I’m the one doing the lineup card, and I’ve got your back.”

Just that 30-second interaction at Bobby’s office totally set me free. Suddenly I felt like I could breathe.

My point: I was 22 at the time. These kids at 10, 11, 12, 13 are putting a lot of pressure on themselves to get pushups, to do all these wonderful things, but just like that, you screw up, and you fail.

Encourage them to go back there, put in the work and the results will pay off.

Drew Stanton, former NFL quarterback

We fear failure because we think short-term failure is here to stay.

This is what I talk to my kids about: “Look, I’m going to try not to make this uncomfortable for you.

Last year our motto was “Seek Convenience”.

You only grow when you step out of your comfort zone, and that’s mentally, physically and emotionally. When you push that limit, you’re like: Oh, I can do that. But you only get that when you take those risks and don’t worry about screwing up.

I encourage people to make mistakes.

One day you will say, “I had to endure that defeat, but it made me better.”

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